Each man’s life is but a breath,(Psalm39:5) and the last 265 days was just the exhale. Waking up in my own bed this morning, I felt as if I had just woken up from a deep, long dream. But, I didn’t. These last 9 months were real.  More real than anything I’ve ever seen, touched or experienced.However at times it felt as if May 15th would never ever happen. There were days that felt like home was a made up place, and I would never return.  But that wasn’t true- it came before I even had time to blink.

Have you ever thought about your purpose in life? Have you ever thought about why you’re here on this earth…why you were created?

Those questions penetrated me deeply for 18 years. Until I discovered that is wasn’t by coincidence. It wasn’t by mistake. There is a reason.  My life has been radically transforming since 2 years ago when I first accepted Christ. By going on this trip, my eyes have been fully open to what my purpose is. I live for God. God has blessed me so much . He loved me despite all the times I’ve ever hurt someone, gossiped, when I was prideful, mean, selfish, arrogant  and full of hate. He still chose to love me!

Going on this trip, I chose to do so because I wanted to serve. I wanted to love people around the world. I wanted to love on widows, and children. People who have never heard the words, “I love you” echo from a single pair of lips, out of the 7 billion people on this planet. .And boy, did I ever! And as much as I wanted to help change and love on people around the world, The little pairs of eyes, and sweet innocent  faces from precious children longing for love- them- They changed my life more than I could’ve ever imagined. They taught me to actually love. Not from a place of selfishness, or because I would get something in return. But genuine, pure, Holy love.

These last nine months consisted of having no electricity, pumping and carrying my own water, always being dirty, wearing the same outfit for days on end. Living with 20 former street boys, who turned into my brothers. Loving on women in prostitution and teaching them that they’re more precious than gold. Helping teenagers start a business to leave that disgusting lustful world. I got to make best friends with women in prison, and they taught me to be grateful for my freedom. I would be digging holes in the hot African sun, having to wear a long skirt, and I’d have a runny nose and no tissues. I would  stay up late nights just to hang out with the street children in The Philippines . I got to dance and sing with people of all ages from around the world. I held many babies without families. I was able to volcano sled in Nicaragua, go on a safari in Africa, and go zip lining  in The Philippines. I met a dying man named Felix. God lead me to him to help build him a house. How cool is that!? He taught me to love, and what it really looks like to have faith in God. He was my favorite person I met on this trip, and now he rests peacefully in the arms of Jesus.  I got to play, laugh and love on orphans. Kids who had gone through and survived the most unbearable, horrific situations; Yet when you hold those tiny children all tangled up in your arms, and stare into their wide eyes, you could never guess. The only thing they ever wanted is to be loved. And I could give them that. It is almost effortless. IT is free. Yet I learned that is what the world is most hungry for, and we have sooo much of it, yet keep it to ourselves.

"The world today is hungry, not only for bread but hungry for love; hungry to be wanted, to be loved. They're hungry to feel that presence of Christ." -Mother Teresa

 I learned that a good attitude will make whatever situation you’re in 100 times better. I learned how important it is to take in feedback, and how we all have something we can change about ourselves. I learned that giving someone the time of day is far more  significant and beautiful than any other gift. And how much it can impact a life. So can a smile, a hug, and a hello. I learned that as imperfect I am- God can still use me if I’m willing. I could write a novel on how much I've learned and changed. 

When I look in a mirror now, I still see NayNay. The girl whos from the circus, loves traveling, drinking coffee, cooking, and loves Jesus. However,in other areas and underneath I'm completely different. Instead of thinking, "Oh I want this. Why don't I have that? Instead of judging quickly, speaking without thinking, overlooking blessing, being negative just because I feel like it. And taking every little thing in this life for granted- It's all changed. These experiences changed me. The people I met along the way changed me. Orphaned children changed me. God changed me.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to everyone. All to whoever read one of my blogs, who sent up a prayer for me,supported me, or who thought of me while I was gone. Thank you. You were part of this trip  too! It was so difficult to say goodbye to my squad, and my beautiful team, Lexi, Sarah, Bethany, Kory, Colten, and Sam. Ya'lll are  my family and I love you. 

I've been given a new set of eyes that sees the world from a whole new perspective. I see things I've never seen before.I know many people told me I was so crazy for doing this, and thought of me as being radical. But, all I have to say to that is....This was just the first step of my journey. The fire in my soul is ignited, and to answer the question of what's my purpose...It's to love God, and to love people in the world. Isn't that what we all desire most?? I want to Love the unlovable. And, instead of being served, I want to serve. At the end of my time on this planet, when I'm looking at our God in the eyes, I want to full heartedly know I did the most and best I could with what I had. 

That is what I live for.

What.do.you. ?

"You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you didn't know."